My Schedule is So Busy I Don’t Even Know How to Cut Something. Help!

Here’s the awful secret about being too busy: you’re so busy you don’t even have time to think about how scale back. It’s an awful catch-22.If you’re stuck in overwhelm, we’ve got to get very practical, and very straightforward. I’ve come up with four suggestions to get you started.

Start with a Sabbath.

It’s no accident that one chapter into the Bible, God rests. Our faith quite literally springs from the seed of that stillness.American Christians deceive themselves that Sabbath observation is a law we can ignore without consequences. I don’t mean that keeping Sabbath earns us cosmic brownie points. I mean that we’ll be nervous wrecks without it.If you’ve never taken a Sabbath, you might try one or more of the following ideas to get you started. You could take a day off from:

Using the Internet, social media, email or your phone.
Work (stuff you do for pay, service, or passion projects).
Chores, errands, and your to-do list.
Buying things or eating out.
Screen time, like games, videos, or television.

Expect to feel itchy and bored your first few Sabbaths. It’s a design feature, not a flaw.Note: A more restrictive Sabbath does not make you a better Christian. Choose one thing, and if it helps you rest, add another. Keep it simple.

Start with what you hate most.

If you currently have an obligation that makes you feel stressed and resentful, that you dread every single week, I’d argue that’s a perfect place to cut.Sometimes we talk ourselves into ignoring our negative feelings. If your schedule is working for everyone in your family but you, for instance, it’s easy to try to talk yourself into keeping mum about your distress. You can even tell yourself it’s Christlike to ignore your pain.This is a terrible lie. We will not cultivate a spirit of joy, peace, patience, or any other mango of the spirit by filling our schedules with things that we hate.Your deep negative emotions about your schedule matter. They count. Do not explain them away with pretty verses like “I can do all things in Christ”. Take them seriously, and stop the activities you dread.

Start with delegating.

Sarah Bessey once wrote that when she read Little Women as a mother of young kids, she finally noticed that the “impoverished” Marmee had a full-time, live-in housekeeper. Good help was essential for that family. Our model of individualized, solo parenting and housekeeping is a very, very, very recent invention.If you’re dying inside from the burdens you’re carrying, you might try to delegate some.

Train kids kindly to do chores. This will take more work at first, but it pays dividends in spades. It also doesn’t work with all ages (I started when my youngest was seven), and requires more effort at first as you train kids. I call that training an “apprenticeship”—telling my kids they need to help around the house and also gain skills they’ll use as adults.
Have a conversation about the division of labor with your spouse. Get marital counseling if you need it. You deserve a full, involved partner for your life.
Trade childcare with a friend or neighbor.
Hire help with childcare, housekeeping, or finances boldly when you can afford it. In Marmee’s household, hired help was a priority over Christmas presents and new clothes. I understand that this is sometimes out of reach. Still, I have sometimes said I “couldn’t afford” help when in truth, I was just hesitant to prioritize my needs. Know the difference between “can’t” and “won’t” when it comes to spending money on your well-being.

Start with everything.

A few years ago, I went through a really difficult year. I had no bandwidth for activities…so I didn’t do any. Staying home was a big part of my healing.I don’t recommend this method first, because I think depriving ourselves of full lives is not healthy for the long term. However, as a short-term solution, it’s an important option.If you do stay home, I’d recommend: a) getting some therapy during your ‘reset’.b) setting a deadline for taking up your life again. That’s because this should be a short-term strategy. Making it long-term is robbing yourself of the joy of living a full life. If you are already saying no to everything and still feel overwhelmed, take note: this strategy is not working. Try a different approach (see the sections above). Permanently denying yourself isn’t healthy.People with chronic illnesses or disabilities that keep them housebound may be an exception. If that’s you, I’m sorry for the limitations your situation places on you. Still, though, make sure you’re saying yes and no intentionally to the choices you do have. Live the fullest life you can within your constraints.

Choose Something. It’s Urgent.

An acquaintance once told me she needed to make a big change to her overwhelming schedule. A year later, when I asked about it, she admitted that little had changed. It made me ache.Making healthier choices is scary. There WILL be fallout. We will disappoint people we love, we might feel scared, selfish, or at sea.There are all kinds of reasons not to change anything. But if you are dying inside because of your schedule, then you’re consenting to a living death.An oppressive schedule is an emergency. It doesn’t feel that way, because they’re chronic, not acute. But that slow-moving death is no less serious than other ways of dying.The good news is that the best way to change things is by making tiny little choices. Choose one small thing to do now (I’ve given you four ideas) and keep at it.Jesus promises an easy yoke. Are you ready to take him up on it?