I wrote two posts a few weeks back about healing generational sin. One of the commenters said she feels stuck and despairing of the actual healing part. Which is exactly what I was afraid of when I wrote that post. If you read my blog and come away with the idea that you’d better roll up your sleeves …
Do you know how grateful I am for you?
Not long ago, I wrote here about platform. (For those of you who don’t speak marketing, that’s the readership and reach of a particular writer). Some of my readership goals had stalled out, and I was struggling with my bitterness and fear about success and failure. I got a bunch of kind comments, and also …
I’m Afraid of Seeming Forward: For SheLoves
“Forward:” it’s a Little House on the Prarie sort of word, isn’t it? A word from the days of long skirts and corsets and hair done up with pins. Forward is a woman who presumes too much. Who insinuates herself into unwelcome company. Or, worse, forward is a shameless, wayward woman. A woman transgressing. A woman crossing boundaries of politeness …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Take Every Thought Captive
I was lucky enough in college to meet Jerusha, who had a penchant for ridiculously cute hats, laughter, and incisive questions. I stalked her for a little, and when that didn’t scare her away, she became my friend. After college, Jerusha went on to pen (many) books about Jesus. For a long time, I had …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Take Every Thought CaptiveRead More
I’m Ready to Lighten the Heck Up: For The Mudroom
My first time in any serious therapy, my counselor told me I was depressed. I laughed. It was kind of high-pitched, as if someone had twisted a treble knob too tight. “I’m not depressed,” I tittered. “I’m the happiest person I know! I’m happy all the time!” Thinking back to my cockeyed optimism, I wince, …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Pick Up Your Cross
Occasionally when I am going through an extra bout of anxiety, I catch myself giving in to self-pity. Other people don’t have to deal with this kind of crap, I think. If I could shed this self-doubt and fear I’d be so much stronger. Other people have it so much easier. They didn’t go through …
Sisterhood is a Practice: For SheLoves
I wanted to look forward to my older sister’s visit last year. But I was not entirely successful. It had been almost five years since Katie had last stayed at my house in San Diego. Lately, we’ve been growing closer, and last year I visited her a few times in Michigan. But her coming to …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Bitterness Is Poison
One of the biggest surprises of facing a lot of my doubts about faith is realizing that when I dig down to the root of Christian theology, I agree, wholeheartedly, with so much of it. In fact, Jesus’ words about suffering and how to find freedom, have truly released me from prison. So I thought …
Holy Week: FAQ for the Unworthy
Welcome to Holy Week! You know you wish this holiday felt like the biggest one on the Christian calendar, but let’s be honest: we all put a lot more thought into Christmas. Gosh, don’t rub it in. I know I’m just a secular lemming following everyone down the cliff of commercialism, but do we have …
A Miracle I Did Not See Coming
Inspired by my friend Addie’s second book, Night Driving. I was lucky that Sunday morning—the train was mostly empty and I scored a window seat. The whistle blew and we started juddering forward, me looking at the station, buildings, graffiti move away from me, picking up speed as the train accelerated. Out of the depths, I …
Small Groups: FAQ for Slight Misanthropes
Welcome to small group! You might think being social shouldn’t need its own set of FAQs, but Christian community is a little fraught. For some of us, it’s the closest we ever get to heaven on earth. For the rest of us, it’s the biggest disappointment since The Phantom Menace. I hate bracing myself for …
The Bible as an Instrument of Self-Harm
In page after page of scripture, laser-focused on my own shortcomings, I had missed God’s relentless, overwhelming grace. Instead, I had taken His powerful Word and used it as a weapon to punish myself. I am still recovering from reading the Bible that way.
Prayer: FAQs for the mildly compulsive
Welcome to prayer! You know, you’re always welcome to pray. Of course, that might not be good news, since “pray without ceasing” sounds a little like obsessive hand-washing. THANK YOU for saying that. This is one of those spiritual disciplines that I can’t check off my list. It’s like the dishes. I get thirsty right after washing up, …
Have I Repented Too Much? For the Mudroom
The book I use for daily prayer, The Divine Hours, includes a lot of confessions, like this classic: Almighty God, my heavenly Father: I have sinned against you, through my own fault, in thought, and word, and deed, and in what I have left undone. I wince almost every time I read this prayer. It’s cliché to wince …
The Sabbath: FAQ For Workaholic Christians
Welcome to the Sabbath! … …? …? ….! ………….Wait. Aren’t you going to answer my questions? Well, we are trying to engage with the whole Sabbath spirit and allow a little more white space, you know? But you just left me, like, sitting here. Exactly. &^%$. Sorry, we shouldn’t poke fun at your frustration. Taking …
Communion: FAQ for Doubtful Christians
Nothing says” awkward” like knowing people would be shocked if you touched a cracker unworthily.
Lent: FAQ for Anxious Christians
My FAQ about the Book of Common Prayer is my most-read post ever. So I decided to take the hint and do a whole series of these tongue-in-cheek posts about the spiritual disciplines and practices that give me hives. And what better time to start than Lent, the most-dour holiday? You’re welcome. And now, without further ado: …
When “Career” Is a Messy, Beautiful Chaos
When I was twenty, I got a Rotary scholarship to go study literature at the University of Buenos Aires for a year. At the time, I only knew was that UBA was a public university with an excellent reputation. Later, I’d encounter its chaos: professors who chain-smoked without ashtrays in class, roving political party members soliciting …
How Failure Saved My Soul
One day in grad school, Sandra, my creative writing professor, handed back a draft of one of my stories. “The story has a lot of potential, Heather,” she said. “But I think you could develop more compassion for your characters.” I nodded, but my heart sank. Sandra was my favorite professor, and I’d learned her …
When Studying the Bible Leaves Us Caged
In my very first Bible study, we studied the fruit of the Spirit from Galatians. I was a high school freshman; I’d never really heard of Bible study, much less attended one. Two seniors, Jen and Betsy, led. To me, they were like the best mixture of rock stars and nice older siblings: both blonde, …
The parable of the succulent
Last year for Christmas, our family received a beautiful succulent in a hand-made ceramic pot; three long shoots poking out of the soil. Its sage-tree leaves picked up the color of the glaze of the pot. I thought I followed the directions: let the soil get completely dry before watering again. When I poked my …
Revelation Is Not A Guarantee–for The Mudroom
For a three-month stretch when I was seven or eight, I tried to learn how to pray. When I couldn’t sleep, I’d pull a children’s prayer book down from the shelf and move it to the crack of light that shone in from the hallway. I opened it up to the Lord’s Prayer and read …
Waiting instead of doing: Feeling something is optional
Dear Heather, It’s July 26th, and here you are, thinking about Christmas. We even beat Walmart for Xmas displays, didn’t we? You were looking through your blog calendar, and came up with ideas for posts up to December, and then you stopped, and sighed. Because every year, you know you should say something about Christmas. Every year, …
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Easy faith is intentional
After my first daughter was born, and I dove into postpartum depression, one of the easiest ways to torment myself was to think about how far I’d slid from God. When I thought about God, I thought this: If I’m not cheerful about God right now, then I’m a terrible Christian. Back then, I thought it meant …