The sirens sounded behind me as I rounded the corner in my beat-up Camry. It was late 1999; I was 21. It never feels good to get pulled over by the police, but when the cop told me I had an expired registration, I wanted to sink into the floor. The notice to renew was …
The Tender Necessity of Taking Care of Myself: for SheLoves
It’s never good when your kindergartner sees blood dribbling down your chin. It started with the oral surgery. Receding gums meant a graft of tissue from the roof of my mouth to the overexposed teeth. I was expecting the surgery to be uncomfortable, expected my gums to be sore. What I did not expect was …
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When I Hate Greeting People on Sundays: For SheLoves
This is going to make me sound like a misanthrope, but I hate greeting people on Sundays. At my church’s weekly service, a pastor gives the announcements, dismisses the children for Sunday school, and then cheerfully announces that we should greet the people around us in the pews. On the worst days, they give us …
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The Hidden Blessing of Feeling Horrible
You would think that when you feel horrified, ashamed, and terrified, you would know you are feeling horrified, ashamed, and terrified. But in my experience, that’s not a given. Take one twilight, about two years ago. Someone that knows my family well invited me to a Facebook group along with some other people I trust. In the …
I Hated My Church’s Small Groups. And Then I Returned.
My small group started two weeks ago. I was surprised—really surprised—to feel excited about that. When I joined the group at the beginning of last year, I didn’t expect to stay more than a few months. I had my arms crossed rather tightly across my chest during the first meeting. And the second meeting. And the …
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The Girl Who Was Afraid of Matches
Here’s a true story: I was scared of lighting matches until I was twenty years old. Twenty years later, now many books of matches under my belt, I find this both ridiculous and completely understandable. Ridiculous because matches are necessary and not really that difficult. And understandable because in order to light a match you …
Beauty Has Saved Me Over and Over: For SheLoves Magazine
To my great surprise, I discovered I was a high soprano in Grade 8. I’d thought before that I was a mezzo (or middle) soprano, but your voice changes a lot as you grow. What my choir director and I had assumed was a falsetto, turned out to be where my voice had the most power. …
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It’s Scary to Wear Jewelry: For SheLoves Magazine
A necklace really shouldn’t cause anyone this much anxiety. I bought it from a friend selling those fabulous accessories made by women moving out of poverty. Cute jewelry + women’s empowerment. Win-win. I haven’t gotten myself a new necklace in years, I thought. It’s for a good cause. I scrolled through the catalog and found a …
The Power of a Single Question: For SheLoves
When I was little, I looked forward to my sister, Katie, coming home to visit. For nearly seven years—from fifth grade to her senior year in high school—Katie lived at a Christian children’s home called Sunshine Acres in Mesa, Arizona. The Acres cared for kids whose parents couldn’t care for them—kids who’d been orphaned, abandoned, …
I Confess: Reading Stresses Me Out
Okay, so this is weird. Reading stresses me out. It’s weird on so many levels. One: Reading is one of my favorite things to do. Two: I was an English major. Three: I read a lot. Conclusion: Weird. Maybe saying “reading” stresses me out isn’t specific enough. So let’s dig deeper. I get stressed that …
I Am the Privileged: For SheLoves
I represent the people who get more than they deserve. The lucky ones. The golden children. The privileged, wealthy, and influential. Oh, my dears. How can I claim to be anything other than your sister? I know all about a life that’s unfair in my favor. Once, during my sister’s seven-year stint living at a …
I’m Afraid of Seeming Forward: For SheLoves
“Forward:” it’s a Little House on the Prarie sort of word, isn’t it? A word from the days of long skirts and corsets and hair done up with pins. Forward is a woman who presumes too much. Who insinuates herself into unwelcome company. Or, worse, forward is a shameless, wayward woman. A woman transgressing. A woman crossing boundaries of politeness …
Sisterhood is a Practice: For SheLoves
I wanted to look forward to my older sister’s visit last year. But I was not entirely successful. It had been almost five years since Katie had last stayed at my house in San Diego. Lately, we’ve been growing closer, and last year I visited her a few times in Michigan. But her coming to …
I See You, Bully: For SheLoves Magazine
I see you bullying a friend of yours in fourth grade. Your target is wearing white sneakers, and she doesn’t want to get them dirty in the mud. You laugh at her because they’re so glowing white they’re ridiculous against the cut of her not-cool jeans and her squared-off K-Mart t-shirt. This girl you’re trying to …
Why I’m Grateful for My Anxiety for SheLoves Magazine
I suffer from anxiety. Early the other morning, I woke before the sun was up, as I sometimes do. I stumbled to the bathroom, hoping that would help me fall back to sleep, but when I got back in bed, my body was on fire. The stomachache that had plagued me for three days came …
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The Day I Regretted Writing for SheLoves—at SheLoves Magazine
The first time SheLoves Magazine accepted a post I’d written, I wondered if I’d made a mistake submitting it at all. Don’t get me wrong; I was proud of the essay. I’d also been reading SheLoves for a few months by then, impressed with their writers and their global outlook. SheLoves seemed like a good fit for my writing—if they’d take …
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