The sirens sounded behind me as I rounded the corner in my beat-up Camry. It was late 1999; I was 21. It never feels good to get pulled over by the police, but when the cop told me I had an expired registration, I wanted to sink into the floor. The notice to renew was …
Learning to Be a Desert
Growing up, I felt most at home in the desert. In our neighborhood in the foothills of Tucson, there were undeveloped tracts of Sonoran Desert around each house. I viewed all that land as my backyard and became as familiar with its thorny inhabitants as I was familiar with my bookshelves. There was the hook-headed …
The Tender Necessity of Taking Care of Myself: for SheLoves
It’s never good when your kindergartner sees blood dribbling down your chin. It started with the oral surgery. Receding gums meant a graft of tissue from the roof of my mouth to the overexposed teeth. I was expecting the surgery to be uncomfortable, expected my gums to be sore. What I did not expect was …
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When I Hate Greeting People on Sundays: For SheLoves
This is going to make me sound like a misanthrope, but I hate greeting people on Sundays. At my church’s weekly service, a pastor gives the announcements, dismisses the children for Sunday school, and then cheerfully announces that we should greet the people around us in the pews. On the worst days, they give us …
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I Hated My Church’s Small Groups. And Then I Returned.
My small group started two weeks ago. I was surprised—really surprised—to feel excited about that. When I joined the group at the beginning of last year, I didn’t expect to stay more than a few months. I had my arms crossed rather tightly across my chest during the first meeting. And the second meeting. And the …
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The Girl Who Was Afraid of Matches
Here’s a true story: I was scared of lighting matches until I was twenty years old. Twenty years later, now many books of matches under my belt, I find this both ridiculous and completely understandable. Ridiculous because matches are necessary and not really that difficult. And understandable because in order to light a match you …
How To Seek A Tiny Bit Of Beauty Right Now: For SheLoves
Almost once a month in my twenties, I’d have a sickening crying jag, where my self-worth plunged into the toilet. If I’d been given a wish back then, I would have crumpled myself up like dirty Kleenex and demanded God start over. I want to be someone else, I’d think. I couldn’t have even told you why. …
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I See You, Bully: For SheLoves Magazine
I see you bullying a friend of yours in fourth grade. Your target is wearing white sneakers, and she doesn’t want to get them dirty in the mud. You laugh at her because they’re so glowing white they’re ridiculous against the cut of her not-cool jeans and her squared-off K-Mart t-shirt. This girl you’re trying to …
I Insist This Is A Love Story: For SheLoves Magazine
I insist this is a love story. I was twelve or 13, and I was in bed, crying, because earlier that day, I looked down at one of the desks I passed in class, and saw I hate Heather gouged into the wood with a blade. I was hoping my mom would hear my crying that night. …
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The Day I Regretted Writing for SheLoves—at SheLoves Magazine
The first time SheLoves Magazine accepted a post I’d written, I wondered if I’d made a mistake submitting it at all. Don’t get me wrong; I was proud of the essay. I’d also been reading SheLoves for a few months by then, impressed with their writers and their global outlook. SheLoves seemed like a good fit for my writing—if they’d take …
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