Looking back, it’s still hard for me to pinpoint just where I went wrong in that conversation. I love the earnestness of the girl on that staircase, her eagerness to seek virtue, her willingness to have a hard conversation. I admire her desire to please God, to make wise choices, to follow the counsel of people she respected. But underneath it all, I imagined God as a kind of benevolent torturer.
We Don’t Need Fires Lit Beneath Us: For SheLoves
The sirens sounded behind me as I rounded the corner in my beat-up Camry. It was late 1999; I was 21. It never feels good to get pulled over by the police, but when the cop told me I had an expired registration, I wanted to sink into the floor. The notice to renew was …
How To Seek A Tiny Bit Of Beauty Right Now: For SheLoves
Almost once a month in my twenties, I’d have a sickening crying jag, where my self-worth plunged into the toilet. If I’d been given a wish back then, I would have crumpled myself up like dirty Kleenex and demanded God start over. I want to be someone else, I’d think. I couldn’t have even told you why. …
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