I can’t tell if I’m in a mending or tearing season. Those two opposites seem of the same piece the more I live them. As soon as I tear something, the work of mending starts, and the mending does not start without the tearing. Faith can’t exist without active, often painful engagement. It’s not enough, sometimes, …
Four Questions that Saved My Faith
I used to be afraid of asking questions about my faith. I avoided reading up controversial topics because the arguments might chip away at beliefs. I tried not to notice my cynicism or bitterness about Christian media or church services or spiritual practices. The problem was that the longer I ignored my questions, the weaker …
Tearing apart my Bible for SheLoves Magazine
When I was little, I would trail my mom to the fabric store nearly every month. It was middling in my list of errands: no toys, but the pattern books did provide some pre-Pinterest craft browsing. My mom would finger washable silk or ultra-suede, and I’d flip pages, trying to be patient. Once she decided, we’d …
The power the good witch wields: #wordmadeart
This week’s prompt for the Word Made Art is to have a kid draw something in your Bible. Honestly, this one scared me. You’d think being a homeschooling mom, getting my kids involved in my projects would be a no-brainer. But the honest truth, my hermit’s heart is alive and well. I love my kids, …
When Success Feels Like Failure
The day I met Leonardo DiCaprio, I was on a shoot for a Rice Krispies commercial. The director faced me as I sat on some steps in front of some LA high rise. It was the tenth or eleventh take, and I already knew, with a pit in my stomach, that I was not pleasing …
Storyteller, Question-Weaver
The idea of asking my sister the question fills me with ice. Katie’s voice is cheerful, unaware of my distress. Her phone crackles a bit in my ear as she tells me about the trip she and her family are planning to the Dominican Republic. She’s ready to escape the Detroit winter. “I’m gonna go …
Better faith information will not save our lives
This is the second in a series of three posts about boundary-keeping in the church. Namely, how do we decide who is really “Christian”, and how do those dividing lines make people feel? I recognize that boundaries, theology, and creeds are essential for deciding what we believe, and who we are. But the practice of drawing lines is …
The privilege of being small and beloved
I spent my childhood hoping to make it big. I did pretty well. At age 12, I starred in a professional production of Annie in Phoenix, moving an hour away from my home in Tucson for the run of the show, and belting out Tomorrow in front of thousands of people. A year later, I came across the play’s …
You Can Change for the Better In an Instant
“Look, Mama,” my youngest said. I was at my desk, a few feet from our dining table. Both my daughters were busy with markers and colored pencils; stray copy paper and card stock littered the shining surface. I pressed send on my email, then got up and walked over to her. And almost gasped with surprise. …
the surprising gift of resentment
I looked at my monthly calendar and sighed. It was the twenty-fifth, and that meant it was time to write down what had gone well—and not so well—that month for homeschooling. Except I didn’t want to. I knew I was supposed to. I was supposed to be tracking how my children were doing, taking notes …
When my scars scare the hell out of me
I almost didn’t read Darryl Wein’s story. It was the photo on the first page that made me want to flip past it. Weins suffered severe burns to his face when he was electrocuted. In the picture, his skin looked like had melted on the right side, his eye and mouth sliding down his face like …
The thing you fear might save your life
As a kid, I hated writing. In sixth grade, my teacher called in my mom for a parent-teacher conference over the state of my journal. Mrs. Kimmerling required a page a day. There was a space above for drawing a picture, and a space below for writing anything you wanted. We were graded on the …
Let us proclaim the mystery of faith: One Woman’s Yes with Michelle DeRusha
When I saw the title of Michelle DeRusha’s memoir, Spiritual Misfit, I knew I had to read it. So much of the good things in my faith recently have flowered because I’ve come to terms with having a quirky, mysterious, and cobbled-together faith. I really recommend her book. Michelle manages to make faith and doubt seem everyday, …
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When You’re Sure You’re a Terrible Christian
“I am not the Christian I want to be.” I typed the words on my computer, then I stared at them for a minute. For my hammering heart and the cold sweat I felt slinking down my arms, one would think I were confessing to some kind of felony. No: thought crimes were all I …
Emily Dickinson, the Bible, and me
THE BIBLE is an antique volume Written by faded men, At the suggestion of Holy Spectres— Subjects—Bethlehem— Eden—the ancient Homestead— Satan—the Brigadier, Judas—the great Defaulter, David—the Troubadour. Sin—a distinguished Precipice Others must resist, Boys that “believe” Are very lonesome— Other boys are “lost.” Had but the tale a warbling Teller All the boys would come— …
Five reasons church leaders must speak up about sexual abuse
Over the weekend, the #yesallwomen hashtag exploded around the Internet. CNN reports more than a million tweets (and counting) have expressed solidarity for the women that endure harassment, abuse, sexism and sexual assault on a daily basis in our world. And—much to our dismay—in the church. It might be easy to look at the hashtags and think …
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Creativity Is Subversive
I was embarrassed when my neighbors knocked on the door. I wasn’t sure if I’d combed my hair that morning, and I was wearing ratty pants and an stained camisole. But what really embarrassed me were the paintings on the floor inside. I opened the door. “Sorry, the girls are gone,” I told Matt and his …
Beyond safety nets to Shalom
I took a public speaking class in college, where we tried all kind of speeches: occasional speeches, debates, educational lectures. Having done a lot of theater as a kid, the class wasn’t that scary. Until the extemporaneous speech. We pulled a topic out of a bag, had one minute to plan, and then gave a five-minute …
Unschool part 4: passion will surprise you
In high school, I hated studying Spanish grammar. Hated. (No really, with a passion.) I did not want to memorize whether muchedumbre was masculine or feminine. I did not want to make flashcards of verb endings. I found grammar both tedious and unintelligible. Then two years ago, I started trying to get back my Spanish …
The Hospitality of Greetings
The instructions for passing the peace are pretty clear—and even written in the bulletin: un saludo cordial, mirando a los ojos. Which means, “a cordial greeting, looking into each others eyes.” My first time at the Spanish-language service at my church, I thought I understood those instructions. I stood up and shook hands with the …
What happens when I panic
I wanted to believe I wouldn’t panic. I started a writing project with a lot of anticipation and excitement. I felt oddly optimistic. I had reasonable expectations, was excited to try something new, and felt thankful for the habits of mind (journaling, weekly prayer with a friend, writing habits, and breath prayer) that have helped …
The Unsettling Song of Our Pilgrimage for SheLoves Magazine
I didn’t want my seven-year-old to see the painting. A woman lies naked on her bed, her legs spread open, a baby birthing with all the blood and vagina you’d expect. The mother’s face is covered with a sheet like a corpse. The baby has emerged only up to her neck; her head lolls to …
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Dream your wildest dream: One Woman’s Yes with Kathy Khang
A few months ago, I wrote a post that quoted Kathy Khang: ““But to find your voice can be dangerous because you have to choose things and take risks and speak.” Then I waxed poetic about her bravery, amazed that she might find it hard to use her voice. Kathy was kind enough to stop …
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The Danger of Losing Purpose When We Hustle
Note: This post is for ALL people who care for others: kids, the elderly, students, whatever. And by no means am I saying that everyone should homeschool. You do you, no matter what. If you don’t know what unschooling is, go here. To see all posts in this series, go here. Caminante, son tus huellas …