You know what my idea of a holiday is? A normal day. Laundry, hanging with my kids, and, by 9:30 pm, watching a murder mystery with my husband while I eat raisin bran. Even better: doing all that in slippers. Normal days are easy. On a normal day, I have a routine. I know what’s …
You Can Be Weirdly Whole in the Worst Relationships
I’m acquainted with two families right now with bad marriages. What makes me ache is that (at least from my very outside, limited perspective), I don’t think there’s a villain in either situation. I see four lovely people who love God and want to love each other well; thoughtful, awesome people who happen to be …
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Empathy Is a Superpower
Every so often, I get into an awkward discussion about race with other people, usually white people. Look, race is a tricky subject, and so is politics. It’s hard to hear each other well when the stakes are high. But I’ve noticed a pattern about some of the responses I get when I talk about …
I Confess: Reading Stresses Me Out
Okay, so this is weird. Reading stresses me out. It’s weird on so many levels. One: Reading is one of my favorite things to do. Two: I was an English major. Three: I read a lot. Conclusion: Weird. Maybe saying “reading” stresses me out isn’t specific enough. So let’s dig deeper. I get stressed that …
Social Justice is Awkward: For The Mudroom
I wanna be Anne Lamott. And NOT JUST because she’s a kick-ass writer. No: I covet her social-justice-beatnik-political leftist-protesting mojo. Lamott grew up with parents heavily invested in social justice. Her father volunteered at prisons, her mother marched in protests. This crap comes naturally to her. JEALOUS. When Lamott had her own kid, one of her first acts of parenting …
I Am the Privileged: For SheLoves
I represent the people who get more than they deserve. The lucky ones. The golden children. The privileged, wealthy, and influential. Oh, my dears. How can I claim to be anything other than your sister? I know all about a life that’s unfair in my favor. Once, during my sister’s seven-year stint living at a …
Struggle With Self-Acceptance? Consider This.
Do you ever struggle with self-loathing? Have you noticed it’s impossible to argue yourself out of it? You know your hatred of your thighs or your social anxiety or mental health or frailties isn’t healthy. You remind yourself of better thought patterns and chide yourself to be brave. And then you keep on clinging to the irrational, mean-spirited …
Memory and the Miracle of Love
Do you ever worry you are not creating enough good memories with the people you love? I do: I wonder if my time with my kids is rich enough, or special enough. Wonder if I am intentional enough in cultivating friendships and sustaining bonds with my husband. And yet, sometimes, I think we worry too …
Good Christian Sex by Bromleigh McCleneghan: a book review for ERB
Decades ago in my high school youth group, a young married couple spoke at the yearly sex talk. Before their engagement, and despite both previously losing their virginity, they chose to seek a ‘second virginity’ together, committing to chastity and their faith until they married. What a beautiful lesson for me as a new, rather …
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Do You Wish You Could Change Your Story?
In April, my family and I went to New York City for a week. It was pretty epic. We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, clambered over giant boulders in Central Park, ate amazing ramen, pizza, and pastries, and (so lucky) we saw Matilda on Broadway. I loved Roald Dahl growing up, …
The Healthiest People I Know Are Mentally Ill
“In a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: ‘And how are you crazy?’” Alain de Botton, “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person“ When I was six, my nine-year-old sister, Katie, was put into a mental hospital for three months. There’s a lot to …
What I Got Wrong About Women and Anger: At ForHer
Lately, I find it hard to avoid getting angry. On Facebook, I watch as the posts and comments I scroll through give off sparks with their vitriol. The chasm of understanding dividing me from those I disagree with feels achingly wide. And I know that I’m not the only one experiencing this gap, and the …
Why Little Yeses Change You
I’ve always tried to change my life. Ever since childhood, I made all kinds of self-help attempts. It usually started with getting a book. On organic gardening, couponing, volunteering, attachment parenting, personal finance or social justice. I’d make a resolution. Start to re-organize the house. Save money on groceries. Sign up to volunteer at hospice. …
The Wall I Pretended Not to See: For You Are Here Stories
A half hour from my house stands an icon I used to rarely think about. It doesn’t look like much: stopped cars on a wide freeway, a low-lying government building. And in red letters, on a white overhang, a sign: Mexico. The San Ysidro Port of Entry is considered one of the busiest border crossings in …
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For the One Who Procrastinates
At least once a week, someone I know remarks how organized I am. How tidy my house, how spotless my pantry, how early I make deadline, how on the ball I am. I wish I were that organized, women tell me. I should be more like you. I never really know how to respond to …
How To Seek A Tiny Bit Of Beauty Right Now: For SheLoves
Almost once a month in my twenties, I’d have a sickening crying jag, where my self-worth plunged into the toilet. If I’d been given a wish back then, I would have crumpled myself up like dirty Kleenex and demanded God start over. I want to be someone else, I’d think. I couldn’t have even told you why. …
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When You Fail to Become the Perfect Spouse: The Mudroom
The last night of my honeymoon, almost fifteen years ago, I set an alarm to wake us up for our first day back at work—and started to cry. “Our honeymoon is over,” I wailed. “Things have been so great so far, but this has been the easy part. What will happen when things get harder?” …
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Does Healing Never Leave a Scar?
Hey, all, I’m taking my annual summer break from blogging, and while I’m gone, I’m re-running some of my favorites from my archives. I’ll be back after the Fourth with new posts. Have a happy June! I almost didn’t read Darryl Wein’s story. It was the photo of his scars on the first page that made …
God Calls Us to Do More than Change Our Perspective
The other day in the car, I heard a brief devotional about a woman struggling with grouchiness on a dull grey Monday. She saw her child looking at the drizzle outside with wonder. The child’s awe allowed the speaker to shift perspective and change her attitude about her surroundings. I think there was truth there. …
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Everything I Know About Healing
I wrote two posts a few weeks back about healing generational sin. One of the commenters said she feels stuck and despairing of the actual healing part. Which is exactly what I was afraid of when I wrote that post. If you read my blog and come away with the idea that you’d better roll up your sleeves …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Take Every Thought Captive
I was lucky enough in college to meet Jerusha, who had a penchant for ridiculously cute hats, laughter, and incisive questions. I stalked her for a little, and when that didn’t scare her away, she became my friend. After college, Jerusha went on to pen (many) books about Jesus. For a long time, I had …
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I’m Ready to Lighten the Heck Up: For The Mudroom
My first time in any serious therapy, my counselor told me I was depressed. I laughed. It was kind of high-pitched, as if someone had twisted a treble knob too tight. “I’m not depressed,” I tittered. “I’m the happiest person I know! I’m happy all the time!” Thinking back to my cockeyed optimism, I wince, …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Pick Up Your Cross
Occasionally when I am going through an extra bout of anxiety, I catch myself giving in to self-pity. Other people don’t have to deal with this kind of crap, I think. If I could shed this self-doubt and fear I’d be so much stronger. Other people have it so much easier. They didn’t go through …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Sins of our Fathers, Part 2
Last week, I talked about Numbers 14:18, about how children are “punished for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation”. If you wonder why the heck I’d want to talk about that verse, go read it. I promise there’s helpful information hidden in this seemingly awful verse of the Bible. This week’s post ad …
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