Awkward Christian
A lot of time when people talk about setting goals, they say goals make us more focused, productive, and successful. Quote honestly, I think wanting to be more productive is a TERRIBLE reason to set goals. That sounds stressful and unappetizing to me. You see, goals aren’t about doing more, being more, or becoming someone …
A Little Yes Live: Goals that Nurture Your Inner ToddlerRead More
Looking back, it’s still hard for me to pinpoint just where I went wrong in that conversation. I love the earnestness of the girl on that staircase, her eagerness to seek virtue, her willingness to have a hard conversation. I admire her desire to please God, to make wise choices, to follow the counsel of people she respected. But underneath it all, I imagined God as a kind of benevolent torturer.
Last night, after I finished packing for a long trip, I decided to move all my succulents outside for the duration of our weeklong vacation. I have nine pots of various sizes on the bookshelves in our front room: one tiny barrel cacti, four plants that look like desert seaweed, and assorted echeveria in dark …
Houseplants Are Zombies of the Apocalypse: The MudroomRead More
I would experience menopause eventually. But who would I change into? Would I like that person when I met her?
Growing up, I felt most at home in the desert. In our neighborhood in the foothills of Tucson, there were undeveloped tracts of Sonoran Desert around each house. I viewed all that land as my backyard and became as familiar with its thorny inhabitants as I was familiar with my bookshelves. There was the hook-headed …
The Bible first shocked me in high school. Our pastor read from Psalm 137, and the last verse blew my mind—and not in a good way. It read, “Happy is the one who seizes [Babylonian] infants and dashes them against the rocks.” I recoiled. Our pastor explained that the Psalm was meant to horrify us. …
5 Ways the Lament Psalms Carry Us in Troubled TimesRead More
If I knew anything for certain when I was a child, it was that I was not the artist of the family—my older sister Katie was. Looking at her work, I knew I’d never be as good as her. I wouldn’t even be in the same universe as her. Anyway, I had my own ‘talents’: …
I spent fifteen years of my life dancing. Everyone gasps at the show-stopper steps, but I’ll tell you a secret: the bedrock of ballet is the “transition” steps: the rather quotidian, easy movements that three-year-olds learn their very first class. A plie is a straight-up knee-bend. First position places your heels together, toes turned out, …
It’s never good when your kindergartner sees blood dribbling down your chin. It started with the oral surgery. Receding gums meant a graft of tissue from the roof of my mouth to the overexposed teeth. I was expecting the surgery to be uncomfortable, expected my gums to be sore. What I did not expect was …
The Tender Necessity of Taking Care of Myself: for SheLovesRead More
For twenty years after I graduated, I told people I’d had a good experience in my high school youth group. It was my first church experience, I’d formed my first faith community there, played an active role in leadership, met friends I still have connections to, and learned how to live out my faith. Then, …
4 Things I’ve Learned from My Own #MeToo Story: for iBelieveRead More
One of the main reasons I stay at my church is also one of the things I dislike most about it. This is it: it’s a large institution. I go to a biggish Presbyterian church. A “Presbyterian” church is literally a church governed by “presbyters”—Greek for elders, or leaders. That’s one of the big reasons …
You would think that when you feel horrified, ashamed, and terrified, you would know you are feeling horrified, ashamed, and terrified. But in my experience, that’s not a given. Take one twilight, about two years ago. Someone that knows my family well invited me to a Facebook group along with some other people I trust. In the …
In college, when I read Psalm 119, I underlined the first verse: “Happy are those whose way is blameless.” Next to it, I wrote, “Is anyone happy?“ At the time, I thought my way was blameless. I was a student leader in Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru)’s ministry. I read my Bible and prayed regularly. …
God Takes Happiness Seriously—and So Should You: for RelevantRead More
I really wanted to get excited with Martha. But instead, I felt panicky. At the playground with our kids, she was telling me about a powerful sermon she heard with her husband. “The preacher pointed out that if every Christian family in the US were to adopt, there would be no children in the foster care system. …
Once upon a time, I told God to start sounding more like Cheryl Strayed. You might have heard of Strayed’s most famous book, Wild, which featured Reese Witherspoon chucking a hiking boot over a cliff. Strayed is also the advice columnist Sugar, originally on The Rumpus and now a podcast from WBUR. I love Strayed’s …
Ever since the election last year, I have wanted to resist. In my introversion and general lack of political activist skill, this has been a mixed bag of efforts. I have attended protests. I have called my congressional representatives. I have signed petitions and read articles. I have prayed with undocumented people. I have also …
I used to hate praying. Let me qualify that statement so you don’t think I’m completely beyond redemption: I’ve always thought prayer was essential for faith. At the right moments—say, praying with other people—I loved laying hands on someone and lifting up their need to God. I loved when others prayed for me. I longed …
A half hour from my house stands an icon I used to rarely think about. The San Ysidro Port of Entry is considered one of the busiest border crossings in the world. About 300,000 people commute back and forth every day through this entry point. The political boundary between the U.S. and Mexico also marks the border …
Not that long ago, I was cleaning out a drawer in our living room and came across a treasure: a “Give Thanks” banner I crafted for November decoration. Often, we hang birthday or Christmas or New Year’s banners as part of our holiday decorations. I love the homemade signs; I love the visual reminder to …
Three Ideas for When You Feel Anxious About ThanksgivingRead More
First I’m going to talk to you about the Bible and being beloved, and then I’m going to talk to you about politics. The other day I had a conversation with a new Christian in which she expressed some negative feelings about the Bible. To my surprise, her words shocked me. I thought, doesn’t she know …
A few months ago, a reader emailed me a message that’s haunted me ever since. Her husband had been unfaithful several times and, from what I could tell from a short message, showed no sign of repentance. She struggled with trust issues, she said, and asked if I would pray God would help her trust …
One Prayer God Never Wants You to Pray: For iBeleiveRead More
The other day at Disneyland, my roller-coaster-averse family decided to ride Indiana Jones together—the first time for my two daughters, 11 and 7. Standing in line, my husband started to strategize. “You should ask for one of the back rows,” he said. The “Jeeps” for the ride have four rows—and sitting the first one is …
How Facing Conversations About Race Has Made Me Less Anxious: For Cara MeredithRead More
I wanted my first days of motherhood to affirm my faith in humanity. Instead, I found myself alienated and alone. Like many of us, I’m usually reluctant to ask for help, so before birth, I’d made a solemn promise to myself and God that I would ask for assistance, no matter how hard it was. …
When You Don’t Get the Help You Desperately Need: for iBelieveRead More
Not long after my husband Dyami and I got married, he bought a subwoofer. For those of you not conversant in audiophile jargon, a subwoofer is a speaker “dedicated to the reproduction of low-pitched audio frequencies known as bass.” The subwoofer was about the size of a large end table, heavy as all get out, squat, aggressively …
Learning to Listen Well to the Low Notes in My MarriageRead More
