Awkward Christian
I’m acquainted with two families right now with bad marriages. What makes me ache is that (at least from my very outside, limited perspective), I don’t think there’s a villain in either situation. I see four lovely people who love God and want to love each other well; thoughtful, awesome people who happen to be …
You Can Be Weirdly Whole in the Worst RelationshipsRead More
Every so often, I get into an awkward discussion about race with other people, usually white people. Look, race is a tricky subject, and so is politics. It’s hard to hear each other well when the stakes are high. But I’ve noticed a pattern about some of the responses I get when I talk about …
Okay, so this is weird. Reading stresses me out. It’s weird on so many levels. One: Reading is one of my favorite things to do. Two: I was an English major. Three: I read a lot. Conclusion: Weird. Maybe saying “reading” stresses me out isn’t specific enough. So let’s dig deeper. I get stressed that …
I wanna be Anne Lamott. And NOT JUST because she’s a kick-ass writer. No: I covet her social-justice-beatnik-political leftist-protesting mojo. Lamott grew up with parents heavily invested in social justice. Her father volunteered at prisons, her mother marched in protests. This crap comes naturally to her. JEALOUS. When Lamott had her own kid, one of her first acts of parenting …
I have two very simple questions for you today. What is your biggest challenge right now? How can I help? Allison Fallon asked these questions a while ago of her readers, and I love how simple and profound they are. It’s crazy, being able to connect to live human beings over the internet, and such …
Can I let you in on a secret? When I try something new, I always assume I’m incapable of it. For example: after college, I worked as a technical writer for a consulting company. A local manufacturing facility wanted us to create a small- to medium-sized website for one of their departments. My boss told them I’d be …
I grew up practicing ballet—fifteen years of plies, pointe shoes and pirouettes. I played Clara in the Nutcracker, got a chance to dance with the San Francisco Ballet in junior high, and got a whole lot of blisters. Ballet is an exacting art form. One class I took was literally called “Perfection”. Every class, we eyed ourselves even …
I represent the people who get more than they deserve. The lucky ones. The golden children. The privileged, wealthy, and influential. Oh, my dears. How can I claim to be anything other than your sister? I know all about a life that’s unfair in my favor. Once, during my sister’s seven-year stint living at a …
The other day, one of my kids got upset about some schoolwork in her least-favorite subject. “You can do it,” I told her. She stared at me. I didn’t blame her. Talk is cheap. So I posed a different question. “What’s the worst-case scenario if you fail?” I asked. She told me, her eyes worried. …
Do you ever struggle with self-loathing? Have you noticed it’s impossible to argue yourself out of it? You know your hatred of your thighs or your social anxiety or mental health or frailties isn’t healthy. You remind yourself of better thought patterns and chide yourself to be brave. And then you keep on clinging to the irrational, mean-spirited …
Do you ever worry you are not creating enough good memories with the people you love? I do: I wonder if my time with my kids is rich enough, or special enough. Wonder if I am intentional enough in cultivating friendships and sustaining bonds with my husband. And yet, sometimes, I think we worry too …
At the beginning of this year, I realized I wanted to practice yoga more often. I subscribed to an online yoga service, and decided I’d just do fifteen- to thirty-minute routines. Since I have limited free time, I wanted to keep things simple. Adding just one little practice shouldn’t have affected much else in my life, …
Decades ago in my high school youth group, a young married couple spoke at the yearly sex talk. Before their engagement, and despite both previously losing their virginity, they chose to seek a ‘second virginity’ together, committing to chastity and their faith until they married. What a beautiful lesson for me as a new, rather …
Good Christian Sex by Bromleigh McCleneghan: a book review for ERBRead More
Do you lie awake at night, worried that you’ve missed the mark in your life? Do you get frustrated with yourself about dealing with the same personal failure, again and again? Do you know if you weren’t so broken in x, y, or z areas of your life, you’d be much more successful? Are you …
Back when I had preschoolers, I used to get all judgy about overscheduling. People throw their children into too many activities, I sniffed. Those poor kids. And then my daughters hit elementary school and wham, I realized how exponential family time commitments were. If we say yes to two things, suddenly our calendar feels overfull. It’s incredibly hard …
The amazing DL Mayfield’s book, Assimilate or Go Home, releases next week, and I am SO EXCITED. I wanted to participate in her celebration of the book’s themes and of her work. Anyway, I’ve started to read the book; it’s a must for anyone who wants to know who their neighbor is, and how to …
In April, my family and I went to New York City for a week. It was pretty epic. We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, clambered over giant boulders in Central Park, ate amazing ramen, pizza, and pastries, and (so lucky) we saw Matilda on Broadway. I loved Roald Dahl growing up, …
The other day, my husband caught me darning my underwear. The pair had a hole near my hip. They’re a few years old, so I had thought about tossing them, but pulled out my needle and thread instead. This frugality runs in my blood. My mom grew up poor, her mother was a child of …
“In a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: ‘And how are you crazy?’” Alain de Botton, “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person“ When I was six, my nine-year-old sister, Katie, was put into a mental hospital for three months. There’s a lot to …
When my oldest daughter was a toddler, her favorite thing to do after lights-out was to stroke my arm. I have a variety of moles; she’d rub them like little worry beads. In my head, I felt honored by her touches. They were (mostly) gentle, and meant that my very body was a comfort object. …
Lately, I find it hard to avoid getting angry. On Facebook, I watch as the posts and comments I scroll through give off sparks with their vitriol. The chasm of understanding dividing me from those I disagree with feels achingly wide. And I know that I’m not the only one experiencing this gap, and the …
I’ve always tried to change my life. Ever since childhood, I made all kinds of self-help attempts. It usually started with getting a book. On organic gardening, couponing, volunteering, attachment parenting, personal finance or social justice. I’d make a resolution. Start to re-organize the house. Save money on groceries. Sign up to volunteer at hospice. …
A half hour from my house stands an icon I used to rarely think about. It doesn’t look like much: stopped cars on a wide freeway, a low-lying government building. And in red letters, on a white overhang, a sign: Mexico. The San Ysidro Port of Entry is considered one of the busiest border crossings in …
The Wall I Pretended Not to See: For You Are Here StoriesRead More
At least once a week, someone I know remarks how organized I am. How tidy my house, how spotless my pantry, how early I make deadline, how on the ball I am. I wish I were that organized, women tell me. I should be more like you. I never really know how to respond to …
