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Heather Caliri: Awkward Christian

Awkward Christian

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Blog

scar

When my scars scare the hell out of me

August 25, 2014 //  by Heather

I almost didn’t read Darryl Wein’s story. It was the photo on the first page that made me want to flip past it. Weins suffered severe burns to his face when he was electrocuted. In the picture, his skin looked like had melted on the right side, his eye and mouth sliding down his face like …

When my scars scare the hell out of meRead More

fear

The thing you fear might save your life

August 11, 2014 //  by Heather

As a kid, I hated writing. In sixth grade, my teacher called in my mom for a parent-teacher conference over the state of my journal. Mrs. Kimmerling required a page a day. There was a space above for drawing a picture, and a space below for writing anything you wanted. We were graded on the …

The thing you fear might save your lifeRead More

Let us proclaim the mystery of faith: One Woman’s Yes with Michelle DeRusha

August 4, 2014 //  by Heather

When I saw the title of Michelle DeRusha’s memoir, Spiritual Misfit, I knew I had to read it. So much of the good things in my faith recently have flowered because I’ve come to terms with having a quirky, mysterious, and cobbled-together faith. I really recommend her book. Michelle manages to make faith and doubt seem everyday, …

Let us proclaim the mystery of faith: One Woman’s Yes with Michelle DeRushaRead More

When ‘nothing’ happens: Why I’m a feminist

July 22, 2014 //  by Heather

This post was inspired by Suzannah Paul and the Faith Feminisms synchroblog. Thanks to the organizers for creating space to share. It has taken a long time for me to understand all the reasons why I am a feminist. I am a feminist because my best friend in high school was sexually abused by our youth pastor. I …

When ‘nothing’ happens: Why I’m a feministRead More

There’s power in naming the truth: for SheLoves Magazine

July 9, 2014 //  by Heather

Recently, I blithely told one of my friends from high school that my experience in our church youth group had been largely positive. Here’s why I felt that way: the group was my first time in Christian fellowship. I served in leadership for three years, was there for almost every event, made a tight group …

There’s power in naming the truth: for SheLoves MagazineRead More

process

Life Is Process, Not Product

July 7, 2014 //  by Heather

I like checking things off lists. Dishes? Check. Returning emails? Check. Meeting goals? Check. There’s a cleanliness to a completed task, a finished goal, a project brought to fruition. But I’m realizing that the most important things in my life can’t be checked off. Because there isn’t a point where they’re done, or finished. They …

Life Is Process, Not ProductRead More

misfit

When You’re Sure You’re a Terrible Christian

July 2, 2014 //  by Heather

“I am not the Christian I want to be.” I typed the words on my computer, then I stared at them for a minute. For my hammering heart and the cold sweat I felt slinking down my arms, one would think I were confessing to some kind of felony. No: thought crimes were all I …

When You’re Sure You’re a Terrible ChristianRead More

when vulnerability is the best lesson of all

June 20, 2014 //  by Heather

To be honest, I’m still not sure why I freaked out about the clay. My daughter had found the battery-powered pottery wheel at the thrift store. Her face flushed with excitement, she placed the box on the counter and paid for it with her allowance. I was tentative at best. The thing looked like a …

when vulnerability is the best lesson of allRead More

confession

On giving up: why I hate confessing my sins

June 16, 2014 //  by Heather

For a long time, I thought the reason I didn’t like confession was because facing the things I’ve done wrong during the day–an attitude of entitlement, say, or sheer impatience with my family, or arrogance and vanity–well, it’s painful. It’s like the moment when my daughters come screaming to me with a skinned knee, all …

On giving up: why I hate confessing my sinsRead More

Honor’s promise: simple as buttered toast

June 11, 2014 //  by Heather

My kids do something that drives me crazy. I say, “Come here,” and they look me in the eye, turn, and run in the opposite direction. They’re fast. It’s not always easy to catch up with them. And the whole point is that I don’t want to chase them. I just want them to do …

Honor’s promise: simple as buttered toastRead More

Emily Dickinson, the Bible, and me

June 9, 2014 //  by Heather

THE BIBLE is an antique volume Written by faded men, At the suggestion of Holy Spectres— Subjects—Bethlehem— Eden—the ancient Homestead— Satan—the Brigadier, Judas—the great Defaulter, David—the Troubadour. Sin—a distinguished Precipice Others must resist, Boys that “believe” Are very lonesome— Other boys are “lost.” Had but the tale a warbling Teller All the boys would come— …

Emily Dickinson, the Bible, and meRead More

Five reasons church leaders must speak up about sexual abuse

May 31, 2014 //  by Heather

Over the weekend, the #yesallwomen hashtag exploded around the Internet. CNN reports more than a million tweets (and counting) have expressed solidarity for the women that endure harassment, abuse, sexism and sexual assault on a daily basis in our world. And—much to our dismay—in the church. It might be easy to look at the hashtags and think …

Five reasons church leaders must speak up about sexual abuseRead More

subversive

Creativity Is Subversive

May 28, 2014 //  by Heather

I was embarrassed when my neighbors knocked on the door. I wasn’t sure if I’d combed my hair that morning, and I was wearing ratty pants and an stained camisole. But what really embarrassed me were the paintings on the floor inside. I opened the door. “Sorry, the girls are gone,” I told Matt and his …

Creativity Is SubversiveRead More

mustard seed

I had mustard-seed faith bass-ackwards

May 26, 2014 //  by Heather

  Can we talk about the mustard seed verse? (if you’re confused, it’s Matthew 17:20: “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”) My Terrible Mustard Seed Math This …

I had mustard-seed faith bass-ackwardsRead More

Is it dangerous to give believers permission to NOT read the Bible?

May 20, 2014 //  by Heather

“I am going through another spell of finding it difficult to read the Bible.   I never know quite what to make of it.   I don’t feel guilty at all about it and I know it won’t be long before I return to it again with renewed zest. . . True, there is always a danger …

Is it dangerous to give believers permission to NOT read the Bible?Read More

Beyond safety nets to Shalom

May 14, 2014 //  by Heather

I took a public speaking class in college, where we tried all kind of speeches: occasional speeches, debates, educational lectures. Having done a lot of theater as a kid, the class wasn’t that scary. Until the extemporaneous speech. We pulled a topic out of a bag, had one minute to plan, and then gave a five-minute …

Beyond safety nets to ShalomRead More

Unschool part 4: passion will surprise you

May 12, 2014 //  by Heather

In high school, I hated studying Spanish grammar. Hated. (No really, with a passion.) I did not want to memorize whether muchedumbre was masculine or feminine. I did not want to make flashcards of verb endings. I found grammar both tedious and unintelligible. Then two years ago, I started trying to get back my Spanish …

Unschool part 4: passion will surprise youRead More

Brain, Child: Relieving myself

May 7, 2014 //  by Heather

So I’m honored to have an old essay of mine up on Brain, Child‘s website today. It’s an amazing magazine that helps me process my journey through motherhood with wit, insight, and just the tiniest bit of irony. First off, go subscribe NOW. This magazine is such an antidote to our culture’s narrative of parenthood. Not …

Brain, Child: Relieving myselfRead More

welcome

The Hospitality of Greetings

May 6, 2014 //  by Heather

The instructions for passing the peace are pretty clear—and even written in the bulletin: un saludo cordial, mirando a los ojos. Which means, “a cordial greeting, looking into each others eyes.” My first time at the Spanish-language service at my church, I thought I understood those instructions. I stood up and shook hands with the …

The Hospitality of GreetingsRead More

panic

What happens when I panic

April 28, 2014 //  by Heather

I wanted to believe I wouldn’t panic. I started a writing project with a lot of anticipation and excitement. I felt oddly optimistic. I had reasonable expectations, was excited to try something new, and felt thankful for the habits of mind (journaling, weekly prayer with a friend, writing habits, and breath prayer) that have helped …

What happens when I panicRead More

Really? You listened to a woman? for The Junia Project

April 11, 2014 //  by Heather

When my friend Melissa asked the discussion question, I wanted to shrink into the floor. “What do you need to confess?” she said. There was a long silence while we all considered our answer. We were at IF:Gathering, or more specifically, at one of its 40,000 off-site streaming locations. Our conference center was Melissa’s living room, …

Really? You listened to a woman? for The Junia ProjectRead More

The Unsettling Song of Our Pilgrimage for SheLoves Magazine

April 9, 2014 //  by Heather

I didn’t want my seven-year-old to see the painting. A woman lies naked on her bed, her legs spread open, a baby birthing with all the blood and vagina you’d expect. The mother’s face is covered with a sheet like a corpse. The baby has emerged only up to her neck; her head lolls to …

The Unsettling Song of Our Pilgrimage for SheLoves MagazineRead More

Dream your wildest dream: One Woman’s Yes with Kathy Khang

April 6, 2014 //  by Heather

A few months ago, I wrote a post that quoted Kathy Khang: ““But to find your voice can be dangerous because you have to choose things and take risks and speak.” Then I waxed poetic about her bravery,  amazed that she might find it hard to use her voice. Kathy was kind enough to stop …

Dream your wildest dream: One Woman’s Yes with Kathy KhangRead More

why

The Danger of Losing Purpose When We Hustle

March 31, 2014 //  by Heather

Note: This post is for ALL people who care for others: kids, the elderly, students, whatever. And by no means am I saying that everyone should homeschool. You do you, no matter what. If you don’t know what unschooling is, go here. To see all posts in this series, go here. Caminante, son tus huellas …

The Danger of Losing Purpose When We HustleRead More

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