Awkward Christian
Almost once a month in my twenties, I’d have a sickening crying jag, where my self-worth plunged into the toilet. If I’d been given a wish back then, I would have crumpled myself up like dirty Kleenex and demanded God start over. I want to be someone else, I’d think. I couldn’t have even told you why. …
How To Seek A Tiny Bit Of Beauty Right Now: For SheLovesRead More
It was the knot in my stomach that convinced me to rest. I’d started a blog a year before I noticed the knot. “Starting a blog” is code for “taking my decades-long dream of becoming an author seriously.” A year after I took the plunge, I’d made significant progress online. I felt so proud of …
3 Questions for Your Best “Do Nothing” Day: For No SidebarRead More
At the time, I couldn’t tell why staying home filled me with so much fear. I had two little kids. I homeschooled. Most mornings, about ten am, I started getting jittery, bored, and cranky. Caring for little kids is tiring. By mid-morning I desperately needed a break. So I took my girls on an outing to …
I talked recently about how different my life had become this year. The reason it changed is the list of goals I made last year. Not just a list, but a plan. I wrote down specifically what I wanted to concentrate on. I made each goal (mostly) something I could measure. I figured out tiny …
The last night of my honeymoon, almost fifteen years ago, I set an alarm to wake us up for our first day back at work—and started to cry. “Our honeymoon is over,” I wailed. “Things have been so great so far, but this has been the easy part. What will happen when things get harder?” …
When You Fail to Become the Perfect Spouse: The MudroomRead More
While I’m away, I’m sharing some favorites from my archives. This one was originally posted on SheLoves Magazine. Let’s get the scary part out of the way first. I’m worried I will lose my faith. I’ve come close several times in my life. Circumstances, like depression, or alienation from Christian community, or (dear Lord) reading the …
When people learn I can speak Spanish, their first question is, “Are you fluent?” And for a long time, my answer was no. I speak Spanish well, I reasoned, but I was hardly fluent. If I have to tell a story about my hopes, dreams, fears in the past, I get tangled in the verb …
When you get stuck behind a mountain of fear, what do you do? Often I get frustrated I’m not just braving the terror, sucking it up, and moving forward. Lately, I’ve come to see that yelling at myself is not terribly helpful. And there’s more than one way to get up a mountain. With that …
Hey, all, I’m taking my annual summer break from blogging, and while I’m gone, I’m re-running some of my favorites from my archives. I’ll be back after the Fourth with new posts. Have a happy June! I almost didn’t read Darryl Wein’s story. It was the photo of his scars on the first page that made …
The other day in the car, I heard a brief devotional about a woman struggling with grouchiness on a dull grey Monday. She saw her child looking at the drizzle outside with wonder. The child’s awe allowed the speaker to shift perspective and change her attitude about her surroundings. I think there was truth there. …
God Calls Us to Do More than Change Our PerspectiveRead More
I wrote two posts a few weeks back about healing generational sin. One of the commenters said she feels stuck and despairing of the actual healing part. Which is exactly what I was afraid of when I wrote that post. If you read my blog and come away with the idea that you’d better roll up your sleeves …
Not long ago, I wrote here about platform. (For those of you who don’t speak marketing, that’s the readership and reach of a particular writer). Some of my readership goals had stalled out, and I was struggling with my bitterness and fear about success and failure. I got a bunch of kind comments, and also …
“Forward:” it’s a Little House on the Prarie sort of word, isn’t it? A word from the days of long skirts and corsets and hair done up with pins. Forward is a woman who presumes too much. Who insinuates herself into unwelcome company. Or, worse, forward is a shameless, wayward woman. A woman transgressing. A woman crossing boundaries of politeness …
I was lucky enough in college to meet Jerusha, who had a penchant for ridiculously cute hats, laughter, and incisive questions. I stalked her for a little, and when that didn’t scare her away, she became my friend. After college, Jerusha went on to pen (many) books about Jesus. For a long time, I had …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Take Every Thought CaptiveRead More
My first time in any serious therapy, my counselor told me I was depressed. I laughed. It was kind of high-pitched, as if someone had twisted a treble knob too tight. “I’m not depressed,” I tittered. “I’m the happiest person I know! I’m happy all the time!” Thinking back to my cockeyed optimism, I wince, …
Occasionally when I am going through an extra bout of anxiety, I catch myself giving in to self-pity. Other people don’t have to deal with this kind of crap, I think. If I could shed this self-doubt and fear I’d be so much stronger. Other people have it so much easier. They didn’t go through …
Last week, I talked about Numbers 14:18, about how children are “punished for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation”. If you wonder why the heck I’d want to talk about that verse, go read it. I promise there’s helpful information hidden in this seemingly awful verse of the Bible. This week’s post ad …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Sins of our Fathers, Part 2Read More
First, let’s get this verse out of the way. Quickly. “The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.” Numbers 14:18, ESV This verse …
Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Sins of the Fathers Part 1Read More
I wanted to look forward to my older sister’s visit last year. But I was not entirely successful. It had been almost five years since Katie had last stayed at my house in San Diego. Lately, we’ve been growing closer, and last year I visited her a few times in Michigan. But her coming to …
One of the biggest surprises of facing a lot of my doubts about faith is realizing that when I dig down to the root of Christian theology, I agree, wholeheartedly, with so much of it. In fact, Jesus’ words about suffering and how to find freedom, have truly released me from prison. So I thought …
Before I had kids, I got a master’s degree in creative writing at San Diego State. I had quit my job as a technical writer not long before, and my husband earned enough that I didn’t need to work. So throughout my degree program, I had all day to write. You would think having that much time motivated …
The Biggest Hindrance to Creativity Isn’t Time: For The MudroomRead More
I was afraid to become a parent. I was afraid I’d be a lousy mom, that my type-A personality would make me controlling and exacting. Likewise, I loved the idea of homeschooling, but knew I would drive everyone around me crazy if I tried to be super-structured. Like Bert sings in Mary Poppins, my …
Welcome to Holy Week! You know you wish this holiday felt like the biggest one on the Christian calendar, but let’s be honest: we all put a lot more thought into Christmas. Gosh, don’t rub it in. I know I’m just a secular lemming following everyone down the cliff of commercialism, but do we have …
Inspired by my friend Addie’s second book, Night Driving. I was lucky that Sunday morning—the train was mostly empty and I scored a window seat. The whistle blew and we started juddering forward, me looking at the station, buildings, graffiti move away from me, picking up speed as the train accelerated. Out of the depths, I …
