It was a shock when I realized I was imitating a Biblical villain.
I’d been married for about eight years when I studied the book of Esther with Beth Moore’s curriculum. A few weeks in, Moore talked about the story’s enraged anti-hero, Haman, identifying his meanness as the “spirit of Haman.”
“As Christians,” Moore said, “We must recognize the ‘spirit of Haman’ not only in our world but within ourselves.”
I paused over those words.
Meanness. Within myself.
I recalled my last fight with my husband. I’d screamed, hurling ugly words at him as if they were arrows.
I’d had reasons to be angry. But I had no excuse to be mean.
I felt astonished. Me, like Haman? I’m a goody-two-shoes. I hate gossip and mean-spiritedness.
Except, apparently, when I got really angry.
That night, I asked my husband’s forgiveness. I vowed to handle my anger differently from then on.
And I did. I still get angry. But I rarely let it turn mean-spirited.
I was able to manage my anger because of some soul searching after that night. Considering Moore’s words, I realized that like Haman, I’d been using lies to justify my behavior.
With Moore’s insight, I decided to stop believing them…
I’m over at iBeleive for the first time, sharing how God helped me overcome toxic anger. Won’t you join me there?
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The Unity of My Body and Mind: for The Mudroom