Everyday Adventures: Grocery home delivery

What to bring when going shopping at the giant hypermarket for the first time in Argentina:

1. Grocery list. (Check)
2. No kids. (Check)
3. Enough change for the bus. (No? Well, run to the pharmacy and buy a pack of diapers and ask them to give you change in coins).
   
4. The cross-street to the grocery store to tell the bus driver. (No? Then the driver will give you a blank stare when you give him your destination. When an older lady helps you, stutter while you thank her.)
   
5. The directions to the grocery store. (No? Well, follow the older lady when she tells you she’s getting off at the same stop down the street, hoping she is in fact a nice older lady and not a kidnapper/robber/con artist. Return her hug when calls you angel as she wishes you luck. Hope that her directions will prove to be correct. (They were)).
6. A rough conversion ratio from pounds to kilos. (Oops! Well, chat up the friendly meat counter guys and thank your lucky stars the store isn’t busy.)
7. Some idea of how home delivery works. (No? Then you’ll put the cartful of items on the conveyor belt and then freeze like a deer in the headlights when things start going really wrong).
8. Your passport number. Because you have to have that to register for home delivery. (No? You didn’t bring the passport OR know that you had to sign up first? Stutter, and then explain to the lady that you just got here yesterday and you didn’t know, and oh dear! Look at all that stuff melting on the conveyor belt. Look as charming/helpless as possible.)
   
9. Your phone number. (No? Tell me, when you order pizza in the US, don’t you give a phone number? I think you maybe should have written that one down. Give them your cell phone number that you’re not sure is working. Make it really clear that it might not work AND you don’t even know your real phone number. It’s endearing).
10. Your passport #, again. Because the credit card machine will ask for it when you try to pay with credit card. (No? Blink a lot when the machine asks for that one. Nod like someone who’s not very bright when the lady points out that you might be able to use your driver’s license number.)
11. An iron stomach (You’ll need it when, on the way out of the market, the automatic sliding doors actually almost close on you. It’s like a kick to your backside as you exit the building).
12. Relief. Because the groceries all arrive safely, despite everything you did wrong.